I'm here – it's 2am local time and I'm running on the power of a 3-hour nap just like the old days.

These days, though, I'm not a regular New Japan watcher. It used to be my main promotion, but with the advent of AEW (and a pretty lousy run that bored me into disinterest) I stopped watching the promotion. I still loosely follow it online but haven't watched a full NJPW show outside of Windy City Riot in the past year or so.

I still can't believe we were there in person for Wrestle Kingdom 13. The Tokyo Dome is such a cool place and they really have the simple things like queues, rules for not being a dickhead during the show, and getting everyone to leave in an orderly fashion. Plus, the show was great too (as were the STARDOM & TJPW shows we saw prior).

This year, I will be committing the cardinal sin of watching with English commentary so I'll have someone to explain the ongoing storylines to me. Long gone are the days where I was so engrossed in everything happening in New Japan that I could watch with Japanese commentary and still understand everything going on despite not knowing anymore than pleasantries in Japanese.

So, here I am! Let's do it old-style and wake up way too early like a dipshit, throw off my sleep schedule all weekend, and watch some quality wrestling!

I love a Ranbo

I love the pre-show Ranbo. But then, I always love a battle royal/Royal Rumble kind of thing. I can't believe they eliminated my man YOSHI-HASHI so early. I've loved that guy for years, even when he was the butt of everybody's jokes.

Yujiro Takahashi came out looking like the pure embodiment of being woken up by the kids at 2am on Christmas day to open presents when he just fell asleep after finishing wrapping presents at 1:45am.

Toru Yano became the MVP Of the Ranbo when he eliminated the cooked pair of KENTA and Yujiro from the match in the span of 8 seconds or so.

Just 5 Guys is Just 4 Guys now and I hope they continue to lose enough Guys to the point that Just 1 Guy becomes a nickname for the last remaining member rather than the name of a stable. Imagine the collective sobbing across the globe when the remaining Guy eventually retires and proclaims there are now Just 0 Guys.

In the end, Hirooki Goto won the match and, thus, a shot at the World Heavyweight Title. Was it good? Not really. Was it fun? Sort of.

Maybe this year, maybe this time will finally be Goto's chance to shine!

Right?

Right?!

Just like a New Japan Dad, post-match I made a cup of tea and heated up my heating pad because my neck/shoulder were aching from sleeping weird (I assume). Maybe this is why I feel such a kinship to the Ranbo.

The Undercard

The opening four-team ladder match was fine – it was dangerous, it was scary, it was exciting, and it was fun. Nothing too revolutionary happening in terms of crazy ladder spots other than guys trying to find different ways to kill each other. I liked the finish of a guy being stuck in a submission at the top of the ladder while the other guy grabbed the belts.

Mayu Iwatani and AZM had an excellent match, though I wish it were longer! I fell off of STARDOM around the same time I fell off of New Japan, but that was more because they changed their website and how they presented shows which made it incredibly inconvenient to watch on a TV. Plus, the last time I tried signing up for STARDOM World they wouldn't take my credit card. Boo!

But, unsurprisingly Mayu and AZM kicked a lot of ass. I don't follow anything enough to know whether or not it's a bummer that AZM lost storyline-wise, but I do like her a ton and would have been perfectly happy to see her win the IWGP Women's Title.

Ren Narita stinks now and House of Torture is the most tiresome shit in professional wrestling. Jeff Cobb, ELP, and Ryohei Oiwa (who I saw for the first time here) all kicked ass and made up for Narita. This is such a sweet moment for ELP and must feel amazing for him after coming back from beating cancer. Sometimes it's just that simple to make a feel-good moment in wrestling.

Oiwa was a delight to watch and look at. He looks ripped right out of the 90s or something, just looks like he comes from a completely different era. I love it.

EVIL and House of Torture still stink but that synth entrance was fun. I wish Tanahashi had come out and hit the Samba button midway through the entrance, though. I love how dedicated Tanahashi is to having a Texas dance mom's haircut and Hank Hill's ass.

In this, the last year of Tanahashi's career, this is probably the best way to utilize him. Commentary mentioned that he had his lowest number of matches in 2024 and (I think) his lowest win percentage in recent years. We love a President Ace who goes out on his back.

The Lumberjack Match was probably the best way to use House of Torture without them feeling like a complete nightmare and they did a good enough job of building to spots that made it look like EVIL could actually retire Tana here. Fucking SHIBATA coming in to save Tanahashi from a post-match beatdown was a joy to see. Maybe less of a joy to Tanahashi as Shibata challenged him for a match tomorrow at Wrestle Dynasty which I am very much looking forward to.

Let 2025 be the year of Konosuke Takeshita

Konosuke Takeshita is an incredible professional wrestler and here at Wrestle Kingdom, he defeated the also incredible Shingo Takagi to become the IWGP NEVER Openweight Champion. Takeshita is now a double champion with the AEW International Title in his grip.

Takeshita felt like he was floundering in AEW for a long time – far too long. Even after joining the Don Callis Family, it felt like he was shoved in the background a bit and almost forgotten.

But, since they turned up the heat on Takeshita and put the International Title on him it's been all gas and no breaks. On the stacked roster of AEW where almost everybody is, at minimum, great at professional wrestling Takeshita still stands tall amongst them all.

With this win, Takeshita takes his two belts to Wrestle Dynasty to defend against Tomohiro Ishii. I don't see Ishii winning, as much as I love him, and I'm intrigued about what this means for Takeshita in New Japan going forward. We're a long way off from Forbidden Door, so it's not like we have a clear picture of who he'd drop the belt to at the next joint AEW/NJPW offering.

All I know is, if Takeshita is going to become even a somewhat regular fixture in New Japan then I might need to consider keeping this NJPW World subscription for more than 30 days.

Dear wrestlers, please know when it's time to let it go

I have not enjoyed a Tetsuya Naito match in several many years. I assume I did at one point in time, but those days are far gone.

On commentary, they kept talking about Naito's macular degeneration and his four eye surgeries including telling us "he took a fourth surgery on his left eye to make it worse to balance out the right one". WHAT.

I don't begrudge anyone for wanting to hang onto something they love even when they're well past their ability to keep doing that thing. It obviously has got to be heartbreaking to realize you have to give up your passion, whether it's due to age, your body giving out, or whatever else.

But it is time, and has been time, for Naito to hang it up. He's somehow apparently still wildly over in Japan despite turning in some of the worst performances of anyone on the roster. Even being in there with someone as dynamic as Hiromu Takahashi couldn't make for an interesting or entertaining match.

Hiromu losing was the shit icing on a shit cake. A decision that makes zero sense when your commentators (in Japanese and English!) are telling us how cooked Naito is while Naito shows us exactly how cooked he is. It's not like an old guy storyline where he's fighting through it all like Tanahashi; Naito is legitimately done and needs to stop.

Hiromu just looks pathetic in the outcome. Naito can't see, his knees are shot, and he moves like a human brick. Yet Hiromu, the dynamic junior heavyweight who can accomplish incredible feats, can't beat Naito.

A major blemish on the show.

Wrapping Up

It's been probably 5 years since I woke up at 2am to watch a New Japan show live. There's a feeling about it unlike watching other live wrestling that I really can't explain. And that feeling isn't there when watching the show on demand at an hour a normal human being would be awake.

So, for that, I'm glad I got up to watch this show. I will say, though, that nothing blew me away the way Wrestle Kingdoms of old have. The show was mostly fine, sometimes great, and awful at its worst. Still, for $10 on NJPW World you can't complain too much because the barrier to entry is just so low for the overall value you get out of NJPW World.

Such a shame what happened in DOUKI vs El Desperado, a match I was really looking forward to! When DOUKI first came to New Japan, he felt like such a dweeb and a goon but he ended up winning me over. After a break from New Japan for me, coming back to see how good DOUKI had become was pretty wonderful to see.

Then, of course, there's El Desperado who has always been one of the coolest wrestlers on the planet. I wish this had gone longer, of course, and it absolutely broke my heart to see things end so quickly on such a gnarly injury. Hopefully whatever is the best-case scenario is what DOUKI has ahead of him.

The main event was aggressively fine, but I also dozed off a little bit in the middle there due to only getting about 3 hours of sleep before waking up for this show. I can't say I'll go back and rewatch it; the parts I missed seemed to service what I woke up to, which was Shota Umino embracing becoming a petulant little shit while the crowd rained boos down around him.

It wasn't a match that I'll think about later like some other WK main events I've seen, but it wasn't terrible and was certainly a palate cleanser after the atrocious Naito/Hiromu match.

Fingers crossed that Wrestle Dynasty ends the weekend on a high note for New Japan.