It's All Out 2023, the sequel to All Out 2023 and the spin-off of All In! This two PPVs in two weeks thing is a bit much, and the card feels a little undercooked but it's not like any of the matches should be bad – and, in fact, some of them should absolutely rip.

ROH Tag Team Titles: Better Than You Bay Bay vs Dark Order

The ROH Tag Titles start off the main show with Better Than You Bay Bay defending against the renewed and rude Dark Order. Can The Beaver Boys finally step into the spotlight that has eluded Dark Order for essentially their entire run sans Brodie Lee?

Dark Order boys are definitely playing dirty as MJF goes down with a re-aggravation of the neck injury he suffered at the hands of his partner, Adam Cole, at All In. Alex Reynolds lays MJF out with a steel chair on the floor behind the referee's back (referees: do not report this) leading to an injury spot with MJF being taken to the back.

As Cole takes on Silver and Reynolds alone, the crowd kicks up a delightful "SINGLE CLOTHESLINE!" chant.

I love Dark Order as rude bois (oi oi oi).

Kevin Kelly calls Evil Uno a "bulbous bell-end" and just shut the fuck up, Kevin. Or was he talking about himself?

MJF rises from his grave and returns to the match, laying waste to both members of Dark Order. MJF plays the hits – eye pokes, bodyslams, ball busters, kangaroo kicks, and double clotheslines to retain the titles in a pretty fun little opener. I do wish they'd do something serious with Dark Order at some point, though.

As Cole and the injured MJF make their way to the back, Samoa Joe enters for his match and harkens back to an old NXT backstage segment by shoving MJF as he walks past him. MJF doesn't let it slide and attacks Joe, quickly succumbing to a guillotine choke from the ROH TV Champion.

If we're getting MJF vs Samoa Joe because CM Punk got himself fired, then hell fuckin' yeah buddy.

ROH TV Title: Samoa Joe vs Shane Taylor

BIG MEATY MEN SLAPPIN' MEAT.

Excalibur mentions that Toshiaki Kawada is in attendance tonight and I hope he delivers many kicks to the head of Kevin Kelly.

Listen, I don't know what to say about this match – they beat the piss out of each other, hit hard, and it fucking ruled. Joe wins via tapout with the choke, and Shane Taylor should be on TV every week.

I'm so glad Joe went from wearing a poncho at WrestleMania to this revitalizing run in AEW.

AEW TNT Title: Luchasaurus vs Darby Allin

Is lil Nick Wayne going to support Darby Allin from the corner, or will he cause the fall of the skeleton boy? Wayne is still a little peeved about Darby forgiving AR Fox after Fox committed a home invasion and burglary at Nick Wayne's house which, you know, I understand. Plus, after the split of Jurassic Express, Luchasaurus and Christian are probably looking for a new son.

Side question, if I build a wrestling ring in my garage, though, will Swerve and AR Fox show up and try to murder me? Might be worth it.

Kevin Kelly has tagged out on commentary and Jim Ross has tagged in. Is this worse? Is that an upgrade? I don't know. Depends on what mood JR is in on any given night. Even when he's bad and grumpy, though, his familiar voice still hits somehow. Can't explain it. At least I can tune him out when he's bad, while Kevin is just grating. Just give me Tony Schiavone and/or Taz!

Darby starts off hot all over Luchasaurus, but the dino champ quickly uses his size to toss ole Darbs around ringside a bit. Luchasaurus lays the steps on Darby's spine and then walks up the steps back into the ring, each step a louder stomp than the one before. It's beautiful. I love this spot.

Darby gets a little bit of hope but then comes off of the top with a cross body into Luchasaurus, the challenger bouncing off of the champion like a dodge ball against a brick wall. Same noise, too.

Luchasaurus slaps on an Argentine Backbreaker in the ring and Darby counters into one of the crispest Crucifix Bombs I think I've ever seen. Just a thing of beauty. Then Luchasaurus responds with a German Suplex landing Darbs on his tiny noggin. Oof.

Luchasaurus slaps on a Torture Rack while Christian tries convincing Nick Wayne to throw in the towel for his buddy. Darby is able to break free of the Rack and murders Christian with a topé suicida before an Avalanche Code Red on the champion for a count of 2.999999! I think ole Luchy may have forgotten to kick out there for a second.

Darby sets up for the Coffin Drop, but Christian grabs his attention by setting up Nick Wayne for a Conchairto. Darby decides "fuck them kids" and climbs to the top rope, leaving just enough time for Luchasaurus to yoink him from the corner for a pair of tombstones, a snake eyes, and a Western Lariat for the victory to retain the belt.

Really fun stuff here with some more seeds of dissension to be laid between Darby and Nick. Was Darby truly going to let Nick get his brains scrambled just to win the TNT Title? Will Nick Wayne actually care about that at all?

Powerhouse Hobbs vs Miro

It's the second of two beef boys matches of the night, though I don't know if this one will live up to Joe/Taylor from earlier in the night.

Hobbs fires the first shot by pushing Miro to the mat out of a lock up to which Miro returns the favor. Miro has a short advantage before Hobbs takes his head off with a meaty clothesline. It's back and forth like this, as expected, with neither man holding an advantage for longer than a minute.

Hobbs tosses Miro with an overhead belly to belly and it looked like he really had to muscle over which is impressive because Miro is no small dude. He is, in fact, a large dude. Tiny feet, though.

The crowd chants "SLAP THAT MEAT" and that's just a wonderful thing. A few moments later, Hobbs and Miro trade lariats with the crowd shouting "MEAT" with each one. This should catch on. God, this company needs a fucking Meat Belt. The crowd chants "MEAT FOREVER".

I love pro wrestling.

Realizing now the "CM" in "CM Punk" may have always stood for "Chanting Meat".

Hobbs fucking breaks out of Game Over which I don't think has happened yet in AEW. The crowd chants "HOLY MEAT". Hobbs catches Hobbs coming off of the second rope with a spinebuster, but Miro kicks out at 2 and 15/16! And the straps come down for the P-P-P-P-Powerhouse!

Hobbs attempts to lock in his own Game Over but Miro breaks out, dropping Hobbs with his own spinebuster before slapping on the Game Over once more for the win.

Post-match, Hobbs offers a hand to Miro which is accepted! It's a real YOU SON OF A BITCH Predator moment, but Hobbs lays Miro out! It was a ruse and I hate it! Rule the world together!

As Hobbs chokes Miro in the ring, CJ Perry makes her AEW debut and hits Hobbs with a chair to "BEAT THAT MEAT" chants. As Hobbs and CJ stare each other down, Miro recovers and lays Hobbs out with the chair before also staring down his wife prior to exiting the ring.

Beautiful stuff. Just pure pro wrestling art. I'm going to be thinking about this match for a long while.

AEW should be required to have at least one beef boys match per show.

TBS Title: Kris Statlander vs Ruby Soho

It's a tough spot to follow Miro/Hobbs but I think they can do it.

Ruby has her namesake entrance music again! Statlander dues a Blue Steel pose and Excalibur has to explain to JR what "Zoolander" is.

Stat has the advantage early on until Saraya interference allows Ruby to lay the champ out with a fucking brutal missile dropkick from the apron to the arena floor.

The theme of the night so far is "let's just beat the brakes off of each other" and it hasn't stopped here. Ruby has been hit or miss in her AEW run, but Stat is always pretty consistent; here, they're both just laying it in and it's wonderful.

Stat hits her own No Future kick and both women are laid out in the ring as a "STAT-LAN-DER" chant breaks out. Stat avoids two charges in the corner from Ruby before countering the third with a back elbow. Stat almost slaps the tattoos off of Ruby with a forearm/chop combo in the corner.

Ruby escapes Saturday Night Fever with a victory roll and the two trade pin attempts before the two of them collide in mid-air with cross body blocks. It's back to zero once again.

Ruby attempts pulling Stat to the top rope, but Stat clobbers her with an elbow to the face before hitting an Avalanche Tour of the Islands from the second rope - but only for a two!

Ruby comes back again with the neck's worst nightmare, a poison rana, before another pair of head-drops via a slingshot tornado DDT and low hurricanrana into a faceplant. Stat is able to escape the eventual pin and Ruby lays the champion out with No Future from the second rope and Destination Unknown... but Stat kicks out at two!

With Saraya distracting the referee, Ruby grabs the spray paint but a wild Toni Storm appears to rip it from her hands. The double distraction allows Stat to hit Saturday Night Fever to retain the belt!

Another fucking banger here, folks. Turns out when you have the women go out there and have fun, cool, competitive, hard-hitting matches you get fun, cool, competitive, hard-hitting matches!

Strap Match: Ricky Starks vs Bryan Danielson

Ricky Steamboat on commentary!

Women screaming their heads off for Ricky Starks!

"The Final Countdown" for Danielson!

LET'S FUCKIN' GO!

Starks attacks before the strap is officially strapped on his wrist! I will NOT make a strap-on joke!

Starks started carrying around a weightlifting belt last night and punches Danielson in the head with the buckle, busting the American Dragon open before the bell has even sounded. Master tactician Ricky Starks decides now is the best time to get strapped up and officially start the match.

Danielson's arm is still all wrapped up which is just honestly bonkers. Dude broke his arm just over two months ago and is in here working a strap match and already bleeding buckets.

Ricky is positively brutalizing Danielson here, choking him with the strap and whipping him across the face with the leather. On commentary, Ricky Steamboat says that "You can see your own blood. You can feel your own blood running down your face. But there's just something that comes over you when you taste it in your mouth."

Danielson is able to wrangle the advantage and proceeds to whip Starks all over his body and choke the life out of him as Ricky hangs in the Tree of Woe. Danielson punctuates the beating with a trio of dropkicks to the face of the upside-down Starks in the corner.

Outside of the ring, Danielson pulls Starks into the steel post and continues the punishment via yanking and whipping. Starks is busted open here, the light brown leather of the strapped now stained with the blood of both men. Real sicko shit.

As they fight back up in the center, they just start whipping each other in the head and face with the strap. Danielson eventually Danielsons Up and rises to his feet through the strikes from Ricky. Danielson alternates kicks to the chest and whips to the face as commentary falls silent to listen to the sound of leather on flesh.

But suddenly! Big Bill! The Biggest of Bills is here to beat on Danielson, but Ricky Steamboat pulls him off of the apron and chops the shit out of Bill! Bill grabs him by the throat, but Danielson tosses Starks over the top and onto Large William before diving on both men himself as Ricky Steamboat looks dignified and handsome in the background.

In the ring, Danielson sets up for the Busaiku Knee but Starks catches him with the spear for a two count! Danielson escapes a Roshambo attempt and THEN hits the knee – but only for a two!

Back on commentary, Excalibur tells Steamboat that he's covered in blood and Steamboat replies "just got a little bit on me, that's alright" as he wipes his hands clean. Just incredible stuff.

Danielson applies the LeBell Lock in the ring and Starks won't quit. Dragon shifts gears and wraps the strap around Starks' throat, choking him out as his face turns a horrific shade of purple. Starks gurgles out several shouts of "NOOOO...!" before passing out, the match being awarded to Bryan Danielson.

Simply amazing.

Eddie Kingston & Katsuyori Shibata vs Claudio Castagnoli & Wheeler Yuta

Taz is here!

It's nice of them to give us a match that will just be very very good instead of absolute wrestling perfection so I can cool down a bit. I still want to weep every time I hear Shibata's theme song, just something about knowing how this man almost died for (and from) wrestling combined with the opening notes of the song gets me every single time.

Claudio tries to avoid wrestling Eddie but nothing lasts forever and the two begin brawling on the floor while Yuta is the legal man. With Eddie worn down, now Claudio wants to tag in and pick the bones.

The BCC crew keep Eddie in the ring, working him over while Shibata can only look on from the apron to the sound of the crowd chanting "Eddie! Eddie!" In the background, a woman checks her phone.

Eddie finally makes the tag to Shibata who wrestles the advantage away from Claudio until Claudio's strength turns things back around.

Shibata hits Wheeler so hard that you can see his soul leave his body.

Kingston is legal again and preps Yuta for the backfist, but Claudio slithers back in to boot Eddie in the face and pause his momentum. Claudio and Shibata strike the flesh off of each other in the center before bailing out to the floor. Yuta rallies with a pair of German Suplexes, one spiking Eddie high and another paired with a beautiful bridge for a two.

Yuta gets slapped into his own corner and Claudio tags in. Claudio fights through Eddie's onslaught to get a near-fall via Neutralizer as the crowd once again comes alive with "Eddie!" chants.

Eddie once again fights to his feet, wobbling Claudio with the Uraken backfist before a Northern Lights Bomb earns him a two count. Eddie goes back for more, but Claudio hits him with a single European Uppercut for the pinfall.

Maybe Eddie should have listened to Kawada...

Kenny Omega vs Konosuke Takeshita

Fuck, this show has so much on it.

Kenny is looking to recover from the multi-man loss at All In, which may be a tall task if Don Callis' pockets are filled with screwdrivers.

Omega avoids the jumping knee from Takeshita but then gets dropped STRAIGHT ON THE FUCKIN DOME with a backdrop driver. Disgusting. The number of times I've yelled "OH FUCK" at my TV tonight continues to grow.

The fight spills to the floor and Omega is able to power Takeshita up onto his shoulders for the rolling Samoan drop into the springboard moonsault off of the barricade.

Takeshita rebounds in the ring, literally, with the 9,000 MPH Takeshita Line. He blocks an Omega hurricanrana and alley-oops Kenny face-first into the second turnbuckle before continue the War on Necks tonight with a brainbuster on the arena floor.

Don stacks a series of steel chairs on Omega's body and Takeshita comes flying from the inside with a slingshot somersault senton on top of the chairs.

Takeshita earns a near-fall with a Blue Thunder Bomb but runs out of luck going for a senton from the top rope as Omega gets the knees up. Omega drops Takeshita on the outside with the Terminator dive, playing the hits with a follow-up missile dropkick and pair of snap dragon suplexes.

The two trade German suplex attempts before Takeshita rocks Omega with a forearm. Kenny follows up with a jumping knee, but Takeshita responds once again with a massive lariat furthering his attempt to remove Omega's neck from the rest of his body.

Omega recovers with a powerbomb/V-Trigger combo before another standalone V-Trigger. A One Winged Angel attempt turns into a package tombstone by Takeshita and then a picture perfect German suplex with bridge for a Takeshita two-count.

Losing his mind completely, Omega lifts Takeshita on his shoulders to the second rope or an attempted avalanche One Winged Angel; Takeshita slips out and comes back with an avalanche Blue Thunder Bomb for yet another near-fall. A Powerdrive knee from Takeshita leads to one more close count, and then the screwdriver comes out!

Don misses his target, the screwdriver stuck in the mat. Omega hits a V-Trigger against the ropes, but Takeshita has enough wits about him to grab and conceal the screwdriver. Omega sets up for the OWA once again but before Takeshita can use the screwdriver, the ref sees what's about to happen and throws the weapon out of the ring.

Takeshita and Omega counter back and forth with victory rolls, but in the end it's a pair of Powerdrive knee strikes with the kneepad pulled down which lead Takeshita to the massive win.

Bullet Club Gold vs FTR & Young Bucks

Bullet Club Gold is perfection.

Young Bucks enter to some boos, maybe because neither of them are wearing headbands? Nobody is used to seeing those foreheads!

Austin Gunn hands a mini Cardblade to a fan at ringside and it's a beautiful site to behold.

Some dorks in the crowd chant for something called "CM Punk".

FTR Hair starts things off and holds his own, eventually looking for a tag from FTR Bald. Matt Jackson tags himself in to a round of boos before tagging in brother Nick to do some good old fashioned double teaming. A dork in the front row does the straight edge X with their arms as The Bucks pose.

As these things tend to do, the match breaks down into an 8-man brawl in the ring with FTBucks applying Sharpshooters together on the BCG crew.

This match is exactly the speed I need to recover a bit after the insane rest of the show thus far.

The Bucks & FTR come together for some extremely fun double-team spots, including a Matt Jackson assisted Shatter Machine for a near-fall. As things break down in the end, BCG avoid another Shatter Machine leaving Jay White to nail a sneaky Blade Runner on Cash Wheeler allowing legal man Colten Gunn to pick up the win!

A lot of fun stuff in this one that had its ebbs and flows as needed by this point in the show. Bullet Club Gold continue to dominate and look strong in everything they do.

AEW International Title: Orange Cassidy vs Jon Moxley

Both guys get the Goldberg walking-through-the-hallways entrance with their respective stablemates as we head into Orange Cassidy's first-ever AEW PPV main event.

As the bell rings, we get a tasty little shot of OC's bandaged up right hand in the foreground with Moxley looming in the background.

The two meet in the center and OC goes for hands-in-pockets, but Mox is playing zero games and levels Orange with a hefty forearm shot.

OC goes for the Orange Punch early but Mox counters it into a Saito suplex, following up with a second on the already damaged neck of the International Champion.

The champion comes back with a flurry of offense but Moxley shuts him back down quickly with an X Plex to slow the pace back down. So far, this feels like a battle of two speeds – the slow, methodical pace of Moxley against the faster, bombastic style of Orange Cassidy.

After eating a bit of steel post on the outside, OC is busted open by Mox for the second Sunday in a row. If nothing else, Orange Cassidy has done the impossible and bled before Jon Moxley in a singles match.

Back in the ring, Mox compresses OC with a piledriver and continues to get nasty with choking, biting, and gouging at the cut on Cassidy's forehead.

OC begins to mount a comeback and Mox decides it is time to play games, sliding his hands into his pants (he has no pockets) in an attempt to get into the head of Cassidy. Not that he needs to at this point – Mox has things well in hand, until OC decides to turn the tables and use some of Mox's moves against him with a back rake and a little gnaw on the forehead.

It's time to power up and OC comes back with a pair of DDTs, a PK, and an Orange Punch for a two count! Mox is able to stop a Beach Break with a Gotch Style Piledriver and applies the bulldog choke before transitioning into a rear naked. OC is still gushing pretty well but won't give up, prompting Mox to transition yet again into a cross arm breaker.

With one more transition, OC comes as close to tapping as he has yet while stuck in the LeBell Lock. The champion is able to ultimately roll into the ropes to force a break, but this only angers Moxley who begins pulling up the padding on the arena floor.

Mox sets up for a piledriver on the exposed floor, but OC counters into a Beach Break! As Mox begins to rise to his feet, OC delivers a basement dropkick sandwiching Mox's head between the champion's feet and the steel steps.

On spaghetti legs, Mox makes it back into the ring at a 9-count and is met with two consecutive Orange Punches. On a third, Mox counters into a cutter and sets up for the Paradigm Shift. OC breaks free into another Orange Punch and a spear, but only captures a two count!

As Mox begins to rise to his feet, Cassidy starts contemplating his next steps and returns to form – hands in pockets with the mock kicks before turning up the gas and laying in boot after boot to Mox's head and neck.

Mox pops up with a lariat, but OC gets back to his feet! Two lariats more and a Death Rider – but Moxley only gets a two as Cassidy lazily rolls his left shoulder off of the mat!

OC is slow to his feet and as he rises, he flips Mox the double bird. Mox moves in and drops Cassidy with a super high-angle Death Rider to pick up the win and the AEW International Title!

If I'm honest, it's a bit of a disappointing ending. I was hoping to see Orange pull it out here and then drop the belt to someone who could use the bump from beating him, like a Swerve Strickland. This does put another level of prestige on the belt, so it's not all bad. It's just not how I wanted to see things go.

The BCC are out to celebrate with Mox and walk him to the back as Orange recovers in a blood-stained ring to chants of "Freshly Squeezed" and "Thank You, Orange" from the Chicago crowd. As OC bleeds and sulks in the center of the ring, the show goes off the air.

All Out 2023 is the sleeper hit of the year. Every match delivered at or above the level you would have expected from it and the first hour is maybe one of the best first hours of any pay-per-view I can remember. Now on to Dynamite Wednesday night to see the fallout!

Kevin Kelly stinks. Get him off of my TV and out of my ears!